I haven't updated this in about a month.. Only because I haven't had any weird dreams. Boy... I thought with my ex visiting, I'd get over the feeling of tension. I thought that, if by seeing the guy I'd first fallen in love with.. my high school sweet heart that had moved to Texas almost 4 years ago. He broke my heart something bad, and I only just got over him about a year and a half ago. He had been my everything, and we'd been together nearly six years. I had asked him to marry me twice before moving to Texas. Ha.. no.. He broke my heart into millions of pieces. And I myself.. put it back together again.

Anyways. We had been the best of friends, and had started seriously friendly talking after I met Matt. The current and last love of my life. I'm going to marry that man. Seriously...

So.. I hadn't seen Gus in nearly three years, and I had been nervous.. not because I still loved the man.. But because, I was afraid there would still be attraction there. I was afraid I'd wind up kissing him, or worse. Matt was so very trusting, ensuring me that he was okay with me hanging out with Gus. It makes me love him even more, if that's even possible.. That he'd trust me, love me so much and feel so secure.. that he didn't mind me being with someone I'd used to love. I love Matt, no question about it. Even when I talk with Gus, Matt is all I talk about. *Sigh* Yes, it is love. =)

Okay.. so let me get to my current dream. This happened just last night, mind you. And I got to see Gus this past weekend. He met Matt, Matt thinks he's gay. Lol I know otherwise, but hey.. I can't argue with Matt because I know Gus has joked about being bisexual before. Still, I know he isn't gay. I think he and Christine are trying to work out their past problems with each other. I know they made out, and nearly had sex this past weekend. I know he'd marry Christine and have kids with her. That, is really sweet to me. Christine is one of my best friends, and Gus is getting there again.

So.. let me get to the dream, finally.. and stop rambling on.

I dreamt last night, that I caught Matt and Gus making out in my house. I was shocked beyond what I could have ever imagined. I remember tears streaking down my face, remember thinking back to when Gus and Christine had been a couple without me.. leaving me out, forgetting about me and my feelings. I cried so hard, I begged to know what the fuck was going on.. and then I ran.. I ran and I ran from them.. they chased of course, they looked for me everywhere. I hid and cried, wondering how this could happen to me again..

I jumped up, knowing they were close by. And suddenly the scene shifted and we were back at our house. I went up to Matt, demanding to know how he could do this to me. All Matt could answer was that he was in love with Gus. I asked him if he still loved me, and he said he didn't know.. I just could not stop crying, and I asked him if he was still going to marry me. He said no, he wanted to be with Gus.. I was desparate in my dream.. I came up to both of them, hiccuping, asking if I could be a part of them as a couple. Matt and Gus both said no. And there I was, in the same situation as before.. only ten times worse because I'd been left for a gay lifestyle.
What the hell is up with these dreams?!