Matt and I went to Mt. Healthy's Haunted Hall.
Paid ten dollars each to get in, though we could have either brought two canned goods a piece to get 2 dollars off a piece, or we could have paid 15 dollars to jump the line and go right in. I'm glad we didn't pay the 15 dollars to jump the line, I despise line jumpers.. even if they have "Gold Passes". The wait was worth it in itself. I kept psyching myself out, because I am easily scared as it is. I love being scared.. whether it be by movies or haunted houses or whatever.
In the roped maze of a line, there were guys walking around all decked out in scary costumes. One of which, was a guy as a zombie. If you all don't happen to know.. I'm terrified of zombies, they are my favorite subject though. I guess it tapped a personal fear, whatever.. it scared the shit out of me. The guy was GOOD at what he was doing. And I really do mean good.
So we finally get to the front of the line, and I'm thinking they're going to send in groups of like.. 10 or something. Wrong. Totally wrong. They were doing how ever many were in YOUR group. Guess what? It was only Matt and I.
I don't know why I started really freaking out, we went in and I turned around and started begging Matt to not go through with it. He coaxed me to go on in, so I did. Something scared the shit out of me and I screamed, and then the tears came.
Yes. I, Jenny, screamed and cried like a little baby. Tears poured down my face, things kept popping out at me and I buried my face into Matt's chest and sobbed. I know he was really amused and shocked because I'm 'a tough girl' and I love horror movies. Like I said.. I have NO idea what made my head snap and start crying like I did. I was shaking, my knees were weak... I know those people running that thing were VERY proud of themselves. They definitely accomplished what they set out to do.
Scare the hell out of people.
I don't know how many times I screamed, I don't know when I stopped crying. My eyes burned, I went through it. It was expertly set up and I am glad we went. It was well worth the ten bucks a piece, the wait in line and all the tears and screams. Those people put a lot of effort into the business, I'm glad they got put into the Hall of Fame for haunted attractions by CincyHaunt.com
The improv was perfect, the effects were phenominal and over all.. I didn't pee my pants or puke. Especially on the fun house effects like the revolving room that goes in a circle around you while you walk over the bridge. It has green glowing dots all on the circle going around overhead and under foot and all around in general. I thought I was going to puke. We had a zombie as an escort through it and he told me to close my eyes while going through it because I thought I was going to get sick.
After we got out of the building, there were attractions set up all in the back of the place outside. Like the circular tube that revolved and made me dizzy and sick. There was a maze we had to duck and turn through in total darkness. I loved it.
I'm giving this a ten out of ten stars, ten being the best of course. I cried, I screamed, I begged to leave, and I loved it all.

Needless to say.. after we left, I meekly asked for ice cream to soothe my scratchy throat. I'm a total wimp. =)

I think that my mom treats Ayden better than she's ever treated me. Especially now.

She was at my house Wednesday night doing laundry and I was helping her watch Ayden because Rene was at work and my aunt Dora is too sick to help watch him while my mom does it. So.. she's in the kitchen cooking, and Ayden was running up to the stove and I scooped him up and brought him into the living room and plopped his little butt on the couch. He was mad, of course, he's two.. he wants to do whatever he wants, Lol.

My mom came rushing in there after me and she's like..

"Don't you EVER do that to him again."

I'm like.. "Say what?! All I did was bring him in from the kitchen away from the DANGEROUS stove and into the living room to watch cartoons. Whatever."

I let it drop, but it really fucked me up. My mom used to be really terrible to me, physically, mentally, emotionally.. She still is sometimes. Watching her around Ayden, she acts like he is HER kid, he is HER precious little angel. She lets him get away with whatever he wants! She does not reprimand him like she should.

She constantly keeps an eye on him, constantly.. I mean it, she won't leave him alone for 2 minutes before checking in on him. There was nothing for him to get into at my house. It's pretty kid proof, except for the stove of course. Which.. I was trying to keep him out of there.

He cries about everything, screams when he doesn't get his way.. and my mom said. "Let him do it, I don't want to listen to him scream and cry."

No. Way. No. How.

I don't put up with missbehaving children. Yes, he's my Godson, I love him so much. I was there when he came home from the hospital, before he came out of Rene's belly and I helped in raising him up until almost 2 years of age. Which he is now.

You cannot let a kid get their way because they'll throw a fit if they don't!

You cannot say, "I don't want to hear him/her cry, let them have what they want." It's irresponsible, and bad parenting. Rene disciplines him, Aunt Dora disciplines him. My mom lets him get away with murder so she doesn't have to hear him cry.

I haven't said anything to them about it, but I've ranted to Matt about it plenty.

It really hurt my feelings for my mom to say that to me, hurt my feelings even more watching her coddle him every second of the day like he is HER baby.

I'm afraid of having children and letting her watch them. I don't want spoiled brats for kids. I believe in punishing the act with a good spanking. Not beating, not screaming at them, but a good sound spanking on the butt. I'm afraid my mom won't care about my children like she does with Ayden. I'm afraid they will come in as second best. Ayden isn't her Grandchild. He's her nephew through Rene.

Are these fears soundly voiced? Am I wrong for feeling like I do? I sure don't think so. But who knows.. I don't have children of my own. I'm just there to watch them grow, right? To be the backup plan when things go wrong, or.. I don't know.. All I know is.. my feelings are hurt and I can't say shit because my mom will flip out and probably try to choke me again. I'm not wrong for not wanting to go through that again.

I haven't updated this in about a month.. Only because I haven't had any weird dreams. Boy... I thought with my ex visiting, I'd get over the feeling of tension. I thought that, if by seeing the guy I'd first fallen in love with.. my high school sweet heart that had moved to Texas almost 4 years ago. He broke my heart something bad, and I only just got over him about a year and a half ago. He had been my everything, and we'd been together nearly six years. I had asked him to marry me twice before moving to Texas. Ha.. no.. He broke my heart into millions of pieces. And I myself.. put it back together again.

Anyways. We had been the best of friends, and had started seriously friendly talking after I met Matt. The current and last love of my life. I'm going to marry that man. Seriously...

So.. I hadn't seen Gus in nearly three years, and I had been nervous.. not because I still loved the man.. But because, I was afraid there would still be attraction there. I was afraid I'd wind up kissing him, or worse. Matt was so very trusting, ensuring me that he was okay with me hanging out with Gus. It makes me love him even more, if that's even possible.. That he'd trust me, love me so much and feel so secure.. that he didn't mind me being with someone I'd used to love. I love Matt, no question about it. Even when I talk with Gus, Matt is all I talk about. *Sigh* Yes, it is love. =)

Okay.. so let me get to my current dream. This happened just last night, mind you. And I got to see Gus this past weekend. He met Matt, Matt thinks he's gay. Lol I know otherwise, but hey.. I can't argue with Matt because I know Gus has joked about being bisexual before. Still, I know he isn't gay. I think he and Christine are trying to work out their past problems with each other. I know they made out, and nearly had sex this past weekend. I know he'd marry Christine and have kids with her. That, is really sweet to me. Christine is one of my best friends, and Gus is getting there again.

So.. let me get to the dream, finally.. and stop rambling on.

I dreamt last night, that I caught Matt and Gus making out in my house. I was shocked beyond what I could have ever imagined. I remember tears streaking down my face, remember thinking back to when Gus and Christine had been a couple without me.. leaving me out, forgetting about me and my feelings. I cried so hard, I begged to know what the fuck was going on.. and then I ran.. I ran and I ran from them.. they chased of course, they looked for me everywhere. I hid and cried, wondering how this could happen to me again..

I jumped up, knowing they were close by. And suddenly the scene shifted and we were back at our house. I went up to Matt, demanding to know how he could do this to me. All Matt could answer was that he was in love with Gus. I asked him if he still loved me, and he said he didn't know.. I just could not stop crying, and I asked him if he was still going to marry me. He said no, he wanted to be with Gus.. I was desparate in my dream.. I came up to both of them, hiccuping, asking if I could be a part of them as a couple. Matt and Gus both said no. And there I was, in the same situation as before.. only ten times worse because I'd been left for a gay lifestyle.
What the hell is up with these dreams?!

Our anniversary fell on August 28th, which happened to be a Thursday. A day that we had just finished moving all of our belongings into our new house and both had to work that night. Needless to say, we were ultra tired when we both got home and with tender kisses.. we both fell asleep. Now.. don't get me wrong, I don't mind the days that we don't make love.. and I don't even mind that we didn't make love on our anniversary considering the circumstances on the day of. I don't mind not getting gifts, I don't mind not doing anything the day of. But I am a romantic at heart and little things mean the world to me.

We made love on Sunday, August 31st. I'm not much of a dirty talker, but I like when he talks dirty to me. It catches me off guard when he tries to get me to talk dirty.. I lose some of my mood because I'm thinking of what to say.. my brain is just thrown right off, and I get very shy all of a sudden. He wanted me to tell him what to do to me to allow him to finish. Like a clam, I shut right off and became embarrassed. I felt bad, but he didn't mind and finished anyways. The hell is wrong with me? Ugh. Me, who is always begging to make love.. The horniest of the two of us. And I can't even utter simple sexy things..

Amidst a bed full of sleepyheads, I wake up this morning and wake up my honey; Matt. He kisses me, eyes not open all of the way. I murmur to him, "Happy Anniversary, baby." He smiles, turns to face me and wraps his arms about me. Pulling me as close as he can, though the dogs hog the foot of the bed. It is bliss, and I am happy.
However.. We have no gifts to give each other, no cards, no evening to spend on dinner at a posh restaurant and no time to dedicate to this special day. All we have... is each other. And that is all I need.


I love my sleepyhead honey, if every anniversary is like this. I'll be content. A happy kiss and big cub hug.

I mentioned to Matt, that he could hold off on proposing to me about a week ago.


The clue's he'd given to me to guessing when he'd pop the question were '30' and 'It concerns a date'. He was positive our anniversary was on the 22nd of August. Laying in bed a couple nights ago, I asked him to tell me when he'd been planning to propose. He said the day had passed. I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for myself and the botched situation. We've been so broke lately, and he was so stressed and worried about the approaching date to propose..


He hadn't been able to get a ring as quick as he'd hoped. He was so relieved to hear me tell him to hold off on proposing due to the stresses we've been going through.


8+22 = 30


The date? He'd been planning on asking me at the place we'd had our first date, this beautiful park sitting on this roughly hewn bench. On our anniversary.


The day passed, and I had been none the wiser.


The bright side? I know he loves me more than anything, I know he wants it to be perfect when he asks me to marry him. I'm just happy that he wants to spend the rest of our lives together.


I love him so much. So what the date for asking is pushed back? But why do I still feel a little sad? I wonder what he was thinking on that day.. I can't remember if he was moody on that day. I hope he didn't feel miserable because his plan went awry. He is my soulmate.

I just remembered a part of a dream from sometime last week.


There is a crazy nazi woman after me, because she doesn't approve of me living with Matt before we get married. She's even attempted to kill me, shoot me down.. And before the dream ends, I have to agree to move out and marry him before I can move back in with him. Psycho bitch. Before the dream ends, I have signed a contract. She was stern looking, middle 40's, white blond hair and very thin. Wore a navy suit, skirt suit at that. She was scary.

Labels: Dreams

Okay, for the last few months now I've been having some disturbing dreams involving my boyfriend.. whom I know will be proposing to me, asking my hand in marriage if not this year, then something shortly in the next year. I must have some kind of anxiety about marriage, or.. why else would I be having bad dreams about him and the future impending nuptials? I love my man to death, and I know he'd never leave me or cheat on me. I don't understand why I'm having dreams about my ex, especially since I feel nothing for him. Not a shred of love is left in my heart for that man.


I've completely moved on and found someone so much better. For those of you who don't know my honey, his name is Matt, he's 28 [soon to be 29], in college to become an IT Professional and loves me so thoroughly. We met through MySpace mid to late August of 2007, soon fell in love with each other. We both know we're the only one for each other. We talk of marriage all the time, of kids and our future. We share a wonderful house together and have plenty of opportunity to grow as a family and partnership.


However.. why am I having these irksome dreams? I'll explain the last few to you, of what I can remember that is. They've been occurring and recurring over the last few months. I guess it could be because it's dawning on me that I've struck gold with Matt, marriage IS in our future... and it's all real. Tangible.. and oh so scary and awe inspiring. Okay.. here we go.Dream 1: I've left Matt and went back to my ex whom lives in Texas, whom has moved back to Kentucky. [This dream has occurred several times.]Dream 2: [This dream happened a few days ago.] It's the day of our wedding, and I realize that I forgot to purchase Matt's wedding ring. In a panic I come to him with this and he tells me the ring he's gotten me is fake.


Like something out of a cracker jack box, something completely cheap and easily broken. I am aghast at this piece of 'jewelry' and he and I fight about it during the wedding. The Minister won't wait forever and tells us it's now or never.. But how can we get married without rings?! Then, something knocks me unconscious and I am rendered into a coma for several months. I wake up to find that Matt is angry with me for this happening. He tells me very vehemently that he doesn't love me anymore, and I don't understand why because in my injured brain I still think it is the day of our wedding. He tells me cruelly that it is not, he tells me what has happened and that he has found someone else. Someone better.


My heart breaks within the dream and I wake up feeling distressed. Dream 3: [This happened only last night, and it's the biggest baddest one of all; so far. Also, let me explain that I am good friends with his ex girlfriend: Heather. They have a rocky past with each other, but are on good terms now as it's been several years since incidents happened. She's one of my really good friends. Met her through him, actually. Well.. Anyways. ] In my dream I find out that he has been cheating on me, I find out that he wants to leave me and go back to his ex Heather. [Whom is married to the guy she cheated on Matt with, btw. Don't boo her, it's all in the past. They're all grown up now. Stupid shit happens when you're young.]


Anyways.. I am totally devastated by this news.. and I ask him if it's because I'm not pretty enough. He assures me it's not.. and then I ask if it's because I don't have as much money as she does.. Bingo. I cry to him, I tell him I'm in school to become a Nurse and will make double what she does. He doesn't care.. and moves all of his possessions from our house. I cannot stop crying, I beg him not to go. He doesn't care. He just wants to be with Heather because of her money. And the fact that he's been cheating on me! It hurts me to the quick.. knowing she's one of my best friends.. and willingly slept with him.. willingly went to him! A week passes in my dream and I see her out shopping, without him tagging along.


I cry to her, ask her how she could do this.. and I tell her the only reason he is with her is because she's got plenty of money to blow on him. She looks uncomfortable, won't meet my eyes and mumbles that she's sorry and that she has to go. I am a total wreck, and I fall to the ground sobbing and asking "Why?". Dreams aside, I know he has no feelings for Heather and that he loves me unconditionally. I know she has no feelings for him, and that it's probably my subconscious working out stress through my dreams. Am I terrified of getting married? A little.. but I also want it more than anything. I love Matt, I do not love my ex, he does not love his ex, his ex does not love him. What is going on in my crazy head?

Labels: Dreams